Nothing For Now

I cannot be fucked for now to blog, off to Japan for a 2 week getaway from everything, might just delete this whole bloody thing when i get back

seriously this is a pain in the ass to maintain

Who knows, perhaps ill return from my travels with a brand new view of the world and perhaps with more useless shit to blog about

I Cannot Stay Where I Don't Belong

A few days ago i went to a church camp in Collaroy which consisted of the joint communities of Ashfield and Flemington. Because ive been on a personal mission to reorganise my relationships and because of my extreme dissaproval for religion's control over the masses, i declined intially. But then my bitch of a monther payed for it and i realised that it would mean 4 days of being away from my house and work so why the fuck not.

So we had a few christian - themed sessions, we were spilt into groups for lulz and to make a 5 min film project which was a massive waste of time fuck should have had more chilling time. I used to be close to some of these churchgoers but one day i got sick of it so i ditched any relationship i had with them hence my reluctance to go at first because maybe if i get too close again and i talk about myself too much news of this might somehow reach the financial mules that are my parents. 

During one of the attempts at all nighters i dont remember how it started but i suddenly realised i was being psychologically analysed by a girl named Vivein who despite her interrogating abilities insists she does not ever want to become a psychologist meh. So there we are discussing about my emotional dependence on music as a temporary counter to my pessimism and negativity when halfway through i realised something that this conversation would eventual steer into the "Don't you think that God can help?" 

Fucks sake i absolutely hate people who spring that up, for a spilt second i feel like murdering you for being a stupid fuck who believes in the invisible wizard in the sky. But i've got to maintain appearances so naturally i went along with it. My frustrations subsided by the end of the camp as i began to speculate that perhaps it wasnt a mistake to reveal so much to these people as long as they shut their fucking mouths and accepted that i was only using the camp to get away from my shitty life. Clearly my narcissism is showing shit shit shit

So these guys have a tradition at the end of the camp which is to write affirmations to one another. Basically write a little note to each other person so that they can walk away with something after the camp. I'll admit i stole this idea when i went with some school buddies on a trip to the lakehouse. The night before the affirmation there was a little ritual where everyone dipped their fingers into the holy water and finding someone you want to show you care about and making a cross on their head and giving them a hug. 

Because of my extreme stance against such displays i naturally retreated into a dark corner. Surprisingly quite a few people still gave me a hug and shit i wont deny that for a brief moment with each hug i felt a second of happiness but unfortunately it had to come to an end as does everything including life. Got home and i realised that i was empty again and frustrated as if the camp had never happened.

Then i shrugged and plugged in my music wait no my FUCKING HEADPHONES DIED FUCK

Time to splurge hard earned money on expensive headphones 

I've been reading alot of dark books, just to name a few

1. True Extreme Crimes ( Necrophilia, Cannibalism, Ritualistic Murder etc. )

2. Forensics Notes ( Soo many cases of people being pronouced dead but they were actually in a comatose state with no heartbeat due to OD'ing on drugs woah )

3. Modern Theories for Serial Killers ( Medical Models, Evolutionary Models etc. )

Conclusion? My new obsession with how killers function mentally can be my substitute for learning psychology screw learning chunks of info, ill stick with Forensic Science wayy more hands on

yeah this went off topic and yes this is clearly a blog for my thoughts and not for impressing anyone *directed at Alfred Zou* :D

It is our failure to recognise the needs of others. and to act on them, that has produced a fertile environment for murder. The motivations that drive a person to commit murder are cultivated in the darkest places of the mind, but they do not grow without prolonged exposure to abuse and abandonment. Rejection, in its various forms forms, has turned people against one another. This circumstance if the darkest truth of all

George Carlin's Revised List of the Commandments

	George Carlins (Revised) 3 Commandments 1. Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie. 2.Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you. 3.Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

Doing random quizzes coz im bored out of my fucking head

Anyone whos lurking around my blog you obviously have time to waste so why not give this quiz a go, it might cause an epileptic attack though and it makes no sense but the end result is suprisingly close to accurate

http://www.hypnoid.com/psytest2.html

YOUR DIAGNOSIS:

Your power comes from an ability to sense how things might be and to proclaim this possibility with a great force and willingness to act. You have a tendency to be romantic, and can be an idealist. This sense of how the world can be is often expressed with self-deprecatory humor. Because of your need to address the immediacy of the moment, you may not think things through to their logical end, relying instead on a feeling for how a situation SHOULD end.  You need to be liked and appreciated by others, although your attention often wanders. Sometimes you neglect old friends in favor of a new or exciting acquaintance. You have a real difficulty being alone.  Often you will seem to know how to handle a situation without exactly knowing HOW you know this. Your thoughts are often shallow. While in the excitement of the moment you can obsess about a task at hand. If it should become rote and unexciting, however, it can be dropped just as quickly.


yeah this shit aint even accurate, but in some parts it strangely is.. around 90%

Random Pics For Amusement - #1

Films #1 - Nightmare Before Christmas

Well i started a series of Music posts, why not some Movie posts?

One of my most beloved films is the Nightmare Before Christmas. Entirely animated with clay and stop motion cinematography (24 PHOTOS = 1 SECOND TALK ABOUT DEDICATION MAN) , it tells the wonderful story of Jack Skellington, who has grown tired of the repetitious festivities of Halloween Town and begins to long for a change. He one day accidentally stumbles upon the world of Christmas Town and decides to try out Christmas for a change.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is How the Grinch Stole Christmas thrown into reverse (although clearly the Dr. Seuss tale had a part in formulating some of the images of Christmas Town). While the Grinch made Christmas better by trying to destroy it, Jack Skellington ruins the holiday by trying to improve it. But don't worry -- everything turns out all right in the end.

JUST LOOK AT THIS HILL SETTING and think about how hard it is to build such sets and film within them *nod*

The animation style adds a touch of mystery and playfulness with many musical numbers within the film that help explain whats happening. "This Is Halloween" pretty much establishes the theme of the movie while "Oogie Boogies song" is just a freaking awesome blues and jazz number. All the song were written by Danny Elfman who is known for creating very mysterious yet beautiful songs.

But no film would be right without interesting and engaging characters! Tim Burtons gothic imagination is boundless as we are introduced to all the residents of Halloween Town. There are vampires, ghouls, witches, werewolves, a mad scientists and what not.

Main characters 

Jack Skellington - The Pumpkin King of Halloween who has tired of the festivities and decides to steal Christmas and improve it, his lack of belonging (LOL) to Halloween Town and his longing for something new is what draws me to this character. Plus hes a freaking singing immortal skeleton HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT!

Doctor Finklestein - A wheelchair bound mad scientist who runs the lab in Halloween Town, he can open his head and poke his brain when its itchy :D

Sally - A ragdoll who has a hidden affection for Jack and eventually becomes his love interest. She serves as the moral compass of the story when she sees a vision of a burning Christmas tree and realises that its going to be a disaster and she can sew herself back together HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT!

Oogie Boogie - The sack of bug shit that tries to ruin Jack's life, but he has a pretty awesome jazz musical number when he kidnaps Sandy Claws, gets his ass kicked at the end :D

YOU SHOULD SEE HOW FREAKING HAPPY HE IS WHEN HE FLIES OFF TO DELIVER THE PRESENTS!!! i still haven't figured out how they filmed the bits with him flying, must have been  alot of wires :D

"Jacks Lament" Singing about a lack of belonging in a graveyard <3

"Town Meeting Song" - Where Jack uses his musical abilities and famous reputation to stir up the interests of the townsfolk to get into the Christmas Spirit

"Poor Jack" - He sings when he realises what a mess hes made of Christmas after hes shot down, BUT HE ONLY WANTED TO SPREAD CHRISTMAS JOY *SOBS*

 

Haha Jack looks like his stoned off this little mound of cocaine

:D CHRISTMAS TOWN!!!!

"Whats This?" - A song where Jack expresses his astonishment at how jubilant and different this place is to Halloween Town

Jack only begins to realise Sallys feelings for him, DAMN JACK STOP BEING SUCH A STOOGE

"Kidnap The Sandy Claws" - These 3 little faggots have a song where they discuss different ways of kidnaping Sandy Claws and torturing him. Korn covered this song and made it TEN BILLION FUCKING TIMES MORE AWESOME!!

Fuck Yeah Sandy Claws Suit!

"Sally's Song" - Covered by Amy Lee, Sally sings about how much she worries about Jack though he may never realise how much she loves him. (It's hell as strange when i sing along and i realise its about a guy :/)

Jack's attempt at a Christmas gift, he was only trying :P

A beautiful ending to a superbly crafted film, where Jack and Sally both realise how much they love each other *cries tears of joy*

*i cried at this moment*

My love of music is closely followed by a love for certain movies, especially movies by Tim Burton because they are oh so clever and wonderful, and ESPECIALLY musical ones. Definitely a cult classic that i'd recommend to anyone who hasn't seen it. You won't be disappointed with this film unless you are loser with no musical taste or imagination or a severely deprived childhood

DID I MENTION HE HAS A GHOST DOG NAMED ZERO? shit my next dog i'll call him Zero

I'm not always that negative :P

RainyMood.com: Rain makes everything better.

RainyMood.com: Rain makes everything better.

About Wills and Inheritance

So today my dad as we go to work at 5am mentions that he is going to change his will so that my uncle and aunt don't have to manage my finances since im turning 18 soon. All inheritance will go to me and some set aside for my younger brother whom i totally don't give a shit about. This happens if both my parents mysteriously die around the same time. So my dad says what do you think?

i wanted to burst out laughing i wanted to say hope you die sooner asshole so i can take your money and ditch my brother in some shithole, you want a proper funeral according to your religious customs? fuck it ill cremate you all and smoke your ashes *if i ever turn into a smoker* or i'll just leave you all to rot. and like hell im going to take care of that little shit i'll dump him with some other family then i'm leaving.

I also started imagining ways and methods that i could somehow speed up my parents deaths, burn the house with them inside? hire a killer? cyanide poisoning? but then i'd have to find a way to pin this on someone else, pulverise the teeth with a hammer so that they can't be identified with dental records, and wat about fingerprints, alibis and suspicion that would be cast on me as the sole survivor who ISN'T mourning the passing of his family as he should

my face whilst i thought all this

All in all, its a fucking pain in the ass and a hassle to try and get someone killed, too much crap to consider. Better off waiting it out till they die, then i'll be a free man with a bit of cash stored behind. Gosh i'm such a horrid person.

The other day i went for  walk through the shopping centre where i picked up 3 books on mass murder, voodoo killings and extremely evil crimes. The shop assistant looked quite concerned as i walked off smiling with the books in hand. Even now having finished the first book about Religious cults, Satanic Rituals,Cannibalism, Aztec killings and what not, i start to realise that reading about these despicable acts of cruelty is my way of satisfying my carnal urges, the human condition or as i like to call it, a deep desire for conflict. But it has come at a price, everywhere i go, i start to size people up, start planning escape routes, measuring up to random people around me wondering how i could kill them swiftly and whether i could get away with it.

ah thomas the tank engine, my favourite childhood show

When i go for a stroll at 3am i constantly see images of corpses and ghouls and demons and all sorts of nightmarish creatures even though i am quite aware that its all in my head and that i shouldn't have to turn around every few seconds, paranoid that i'm about to be murdered.

Sometimes i wonder whether i'll forever be able to suppress this darker side of me as i grow older, but considering my rapid decline of friendships, i don't this its going too well

Music #3 - I Love To Sing

I've had many people tell me that i'm either a good singer or i'm so fucking terrible i should never sing again. To everyone who has ever caught me singing and not sniggered thank you, to all the people who reckon i sound like shit, well maybe you're right but FUCK YOU keep it to yourself.


*UPDATE*
i realized that when i sing at max volume in the car with the CD player

1. I get tingly all over
2. I get pins and needles all over
3. I get dizzy
4. Therefore my drivings skills are severely impaired


I love to sing. Why? it's personal and therapeutic. Ever since primary i've used music to calm me down or to express emotions that i cannot put into words and say to others. As a consequence my musical range is very limited as i spend ages listening to a band and getting to know nearly 90% of their music. If i feel no connection then i ditch that band and keep searching for new ones or go back to bands who have songs i can relate to.

Singing is extremely convenient, its a passion and a hobby that doesn't require any instruments, its with you all the time unless you decide to scream along with the stereo for a week straight and lose your voice. Oh and i realised alcohol fucks up your vocal chords realllll baddddddd.

Songs that have kept me going in various situations.

"Love Hurts" - Joan Jett / ( When my heart is torn )

"Anywhere" - Evanescence / ( So i continue imagining about a future where i run away with someone i love haha im soo sad )

"Yesterday" - The Beatles / ( Another lovey dovey song where i remember when i had to leave someone but i wasn't told why ) (also doubles as the song i use when I'm missing someone alot)

"Can't Buy Me Love" - The Beatles / ('I don't care too much for money cause money can't buy me love' )

"Home" - Foo Fighters / (Usually after i get pissed at my fucking family and i start to long for a home of my own )

"Come Alive" - Foo Fighters / ( When i'm feeling thankful for having met someone i know love )

"I lay there in the dark, and I closed my eyes
You saved me the day you came alive"

"Who's Loving You" & "I'll Be There" - Jackson 5 / ( Titles speaks for themselves )

"Faget" & "Thoughtless" - Korn / ( When i think back to high school and all the hatred that i've kept from the bullying )

"Falling Away From Me" - Korn / ( When i feel suicidal )

"Right Now!" - Korn / (For when i feel like ripping someones throat out and mutilating their bodies )

"Tearjerker" - Korn / ( When i start to wish there was something more to this bleak life )

"Play Me" - Korn / ( Whenever i'm going through a bout of extreme paranoia and i believe everyone including my so called friends are out to get me )

"On The Line" - Michael Jackson / ( My occasional confidence booster )

"Rape Me" - Nirvana / ( Usually when i get the feeling i'm just being used )

"Lithium" - Nirvana / ( I'm so ugly that's ok cause so are you )

"Somebody To Love" - Queen / ( Title speaks for itself )

andddd



"Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" - Edith Plaf

( I came across this song when i watched the biographical French Film "La Vie En Rose" about a prostitute named Edith Piaf who rose to fame as a world renowned cabaret singer, the song translates as "I REGRET NOTHING" its also the song used in Inception to intiate the dream kick, i was blown away by this womans amazing voice, the film ends beautifully not with a death scene but this song, its fucking perfect )

"No I regret nothing, 


Not the good things people have done to me, 


Not the bad things it's all the same to me!"


No, Nothing of nothing


No, I regret nothing 


Because my life, my joys 


Today, They begin with you"

My funeral song fuck yeah

As you can see i am indeed heavily reliant on my music to live and singing is the only vessel through which i can feel better cause i can't write songs for shit and i fail at playing instruments so before you start laughing at how shit my music taste is, please remember this is not merely a blog for publicity but more of a personal online record of my love of singing and obsessions as it is far easier to maintain this than a diary + u get to put pretty pictures :D