As much as we think we are in full control of ourselves, we are actually controlled by many factors and the below is but one aspect of consideration. At best, we a
I am unaware of the total accuracy of this diagram but there is no denying that no matter how hard we humans delude ourselves into believing we are in charge of our so called destiny's and its changes, it is absolutely the case that our lives are not under our own control. These chemicals rule our lives. From the moment the sperm wriggles into the egg, to the last desperate gasp for oxygen and the dying of the light in our once shining eyes, our world and the way we think we have penetrated it is almost entirely an illusion. We are merely fleshy vessels that absorb the ideologies and schools of thought that we are exposed to in our life times.
The moral molecule as its commonly labeled as now is oxytocin, a chemical which increases in moments of compassion and teamwork while testosterone increases aggressiveness. Just from these two chemicals we can see how easily these molecules govern our lives. What we feel as a moral clash within our psyches of Good and Evil, is in fact just a chemical battle within our physiology.
Today i met up with some old school friends who i had not seen for a while. From the moment i saw them sitting under the shade till the last wave before the train doors hissed shut, i was thinking only of happiness and bliss. Granted the feelings i had towards my male friends was one of companionship and for the females it was one of companionship laced with inklings of sexual desire. It is pointless to deny it, after all we are only animals with anmalisitic instincts and deny as much as you want, we are all just players in this game of natural selection. I am undesirable person, with horrible genes and thoughts but i feel that if i can just have some time to forget the worlds problems even for a little while, its worth it.
When a meeting with companions passes by you long for more. I especially do even if the companions do not think of me as much as i do of them. From the moment the doors closed till the moment i sat down and plugged my music into my ears back in my makeshift room, the feeling of isolation and loneliness is at it peak, unbearable and excruciatingly obvious. My music rescues me in a way, yet also multiplies my desires, wishes and ill-wishes a thousand fold. But all this emotional and mental weight, only i can feel it gnawing away at my brain and ripping my nerves apart. On the surface, the ripples have not shown themselves but are slowly stirring. In the end, it is all pointless, all wasted, all lost.
I've always wanted to be one who could be depended upon by his friends. The guy who you don't see or talk to often but whom would come to your side and not hesitate to help in any way he could if you ask of him. But no one needs my help, i am of no value to anyone and thus my existence is futile and insignificant and pointless.
Lately I've thought about embarking on a TEFL (teaching english as a foreign language) initiative to say China or some other country. But while it would not doubt be worth it for my own personal development i feel i would not be able to finish unless i had someone to accompany me along the way. Someone to love, who understood me and accepted me for who am i, how i see the world and understand my flaws and me likewise to them. But it is certain that i shall never find anyone who fully understands my train of thought. In the end it is still pointless, wasted and lost in the very end.
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Drawing back to the influence of biochemicals in over our lives when nobody can choose who he is, does anybody deserve punishment?
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