Friendless

Over the last few months it's really dawned on me how few friends i have. Of course that is entirely my own fault. My overall hatred for religious people and most of the Fort St cohort led me to abandon most of them in order to preserve my own interests. Its both good because i don't have to put up with religious idiots anymore and the assholes who made my life a living hell in high school but its also bad because despite my opposition, all my life i've been surrounded by fanatical lunatics and people i hate and as of this moment, they are the only people i have experience dealing with. When i move out i lose all financial security and with very few friends to turn to i will be for the first time, truly alone in the world. Of course there is a flip side to this. I will be alone and i can choose to interact with whoever i want to and live my life according to my principles, yet my new situation will restrict my movements (e.g. no car) and having spent all my life surrounded by mindless hicks, i'm not quite sure whether i will be able to make new connections be it at work or some place else. Only time will tell whether i am able to embrace my loneliness and make the best of it or whether i succumb to the enclosing darkness of both my physical and mental walls and fling myself off some tall tower in an effort to escape and find peace in eternal sleep

Yearbooks

I didn't bother putting in money for a yearbook, why? because i don't want to pay 25 dollars for a another piece of memorabilia that will remind me how how much i fucking hated high school. And i don't regret it. Today Zhong yi one of the greatest minds of our year wrote

‎'Cold and lonely without the Fortians' - that's exactly how I was feeling as I sat on the law lawns and cried while reading the yearbook

While Carlo, another man i greatly respect for his wit and academia wrote

That yearbook was the funniest and saddest thing I have read. I really miss all of you...

I just laughed for a solid 15 minutes. I guess i just can't comprehend the amount of banality that i'm seeing. But i guess its just cause i lack empathy.

Decided to rematch Fight Club today. It really did shape most of my current philosophy and mental outlook on life.

This is your life
good to the last drop,
doesn't get any better than this
this is your life, and it's ending
one minute at a time
this isn't a seminar
and this isn't a weekend retreat
where you are now
you can't even imagine
what the bottom will be like

only after disaster
can we be resurrected
it's only after you've lost
everything that you're
free to do anything

nothing is static,
everything is appalling (evolving),
everything is
falling apart

you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
you are the same decaying
organic matter as everything else
we are all a part of the same compost heap
we are the all-singing,
all-dancing crap of the world
you are not your bank account,
you are not the clothes you wear
you are not the contents of your wallet
you are not your bowel cancer
you are not your grande latte
you are not the car you drive
you are not your fucking khakis

you have to give up

you have to realise that someday you will die,
until you know that you are useless
i say let me never be complete
i say may i never be content
i say deliver me from swedish furniture
i say deliver me from clever art
i say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
i say you have to give up
i say evolve, and let the chips
fall where they may

So fucking bored that i tried poetry

Earth

A tiny speck in the infinite abyss of space

Every moment, experience, time and place

Oh how insignificant we all are

And forever shall be upon the death of our star

All too busy worrying about jobs and careers

To spare a moment for those poor hunted herds of deers

Working jobs we hate to buy shit we don't need

Then we wonder why we don't have enough left to feed

Ideas like Feminism, Marxism, Religion and War

All instigated by humans, but really, what for?

We've all forgotten the simplicity to live

Suckling from the teat of consumerism once we fall from the crib

Family, blood relations, what a vulgar, medieval ideal

Family is whoever you choose it to be, just step back and feel

Choose friends wisely, don't be concerned about how many you've paid

In reality, which of them would ever rush to your aid?

People complaining every night and day

About shit like overpopulation or trying to get laid

If you really cared, why not adopt a child thats already alive?

Oh wait, not 'your' child, so you don't give a shit if they die

We are all animals, born through sheer luck

Evolved through Natural Selection and hardwired to fuck

People try to convince themselves that humans are a higher species

But possessing a consciousness doesn't mean we aren't just fucking monkeys

Rape, Necrophilia, Genocide and Murder

Only fucking humans are capable of such horror

Look at the Animal Kingdom, oh sure a lot of animals are killed

 But thats the food chain, humans actually do it for the thrill

Yes I'm a hypocrite, I've imagined such atrocities in my mind

i haven't bashed someones head in yet, aren't i just kind?

Until Big Brother and the Thought Police start monitoring my thoughts

I'll keep on fantasising about throat slitting those whores

Every emotion, thought and feeling of pain

All just electrical impulses flying through my brain

Knowing my life will one day end

Sometimes i don't want to wake up and keep having a broken heart to mend

I've got so much more crap in my head to write

But i'm sitting in forensics, not giving a shit about lifting fingerprints from the scene of a crime

Yes i know this was a horrendous jumble of rhymes

But i forgot to bring my laptop, so i had to do something to pass the time

Wait I've got one more idea to spin on the reel

Last night i was reading about the concept of Free Will

Scientists believe that subconsciously you've already decided something before you consciously know it

I personally believe think this proves that the idea of God giving us Free Will is 100% bullshit

Fuck social expectations and fuck materialism

Wait i'm being hypocritical again, every night i cradle my music to my bosom

Over years of hoarding, I've accumulated a few posters and music disks

Move out with all this crap? sure as hell i'm going to risk it

My god, i haven't tried rhyming about music's impact on my very existence

It stopped me in my tracks from suiciding in high school, but it came not without consequence

It's as potent as a drug, I can't function without some noise or sound.

On days where i have no music, i feel like clawing my eyes out

Well i tried to be wise and philosophical but clearly that failed

Ended up writing crap about myself to wail

Ok i'll stop now these rhymes are just bloody awful

Time to drive back, listen to more Nirvana and make some fucking waffles

Flower Sniffing

Kitty Petting

Baby Kissing

Corporate Rock Whores

yeah i got lazy and stale in the end

Can't think of a fucking title

So last night i travelled from Richmond to the City to partake in Aimee's birthday. While i think she is an awesome person and friend, i must admit that i do not know her well enough to be able to select an appropriate present. But i did get her a card at least. We hung out at a place called the Blackbird, which was right opposite the venue where the year 10 formal was held. After that we went and strolled around Darling Harbour had some ice-cream then kinda lost our way and didn't know where to go next. I had a curfew to be home before 10pm, well fuck that shit it's a friday night and its my friends' birthday. Eventually we ended up in Strathfield to have some noogi ice-cream shiz but i had to leg it because it was already near midnight and i didn't know if there were any buses left.


At Parramatta the bus came about half an hour late FARK and almost EVERY FUCKING TIME i think i have exact fare with me so i reach for my wallet and its missing the 20 c piece i need, i almost shat myself because the indian driver wouldn't let me have a ticket so i had to turn to some old dude and beg for 20 c. Luckily the guy was a hero and gave me 20c and i got on the bus. Then i realised about halfway to Castle Hill that the 20 c had slipped out the side of my wallet and into my coat pocket EVERY FUCKING TIMEEEEEE


I remember back in year 6 when i discovered that i could sing in a totally different tone when i had a cold. So from then on whenever i got sick i'd ditch the medication and keep myself sick just so that i could hit those few high notes that i could't normally reach. Today i accidentally took my mothers phone as well as mine to work. From 9am till 6pm i stood there making box after box of coffee dispensers. I'd been singing along because i was the only person at the factory and suddenly my phone ran out of batteries. 


Immediately i started panicking thinking of how to work the last 5 hours with no music. The silence was unbearable and i almost thought about ditching work and just leaving and going to watch movie for a few hours and bullshit to my dad that the heating wires died and i spent a few hours replacing and tuning them. Suddenly i realised that i could use my mothers phone and just switch the memory cards


HELL FUCKING YES so yeah kept on working and screaming my lungs out for another 5 hours. One thing that struck me was how much louder my mums phone was compared to mine This meant that the phone I've been using as an mp3 daily has had its output speakers shredded over the last 3 years due to too much music playing. I feel like switching phones with my mother but i can't be fucked taking all the little charms and rings off my phone. Naturally i maxxed out the volume not caring that i was obviously destroying my eardrums. If i ever become deaf, i swear i will kill myself, what would be the point of living if i couldn't listen to music anymore?


Finally at 6pm i closed the gates and drove home in the car. Now having half destroyed my vocal chords while singing in the empty factory i realised i'd messed up my voice but i could now do those screams from Nirvana almost perfectly. So despite the fact that the wind blowing into the car from the open window was quite refreshing, i closed it up so that i could yell louder within the confines of my car as i sped across the motorway. By the time i got home i realised i'd probably pushed my voice wary beyond the limit and now it hurts just to breathe. But meh whatever singing is fucking awesome, especially when you sing soo much you get all tingly in your body and dizzy/high although its probably not good to do that while driving. The only thing that pisses me off? I've never been able to reach the same tone as Kurt in the first two lines of the  'Heart Shaped Box' chorus. Pretty late revelation but most artists use a double vocal layer on the chorus and only one layer on the verses usually. I have an excuse for myself now for only being able to match verses.


So anyway i was supposed to be on uni break this week but i had to come in 3 days worth of pracs around 6 hours a day. Over that time i had two lab partners one was a tall 27y.o. girl by the name of Emma and a 35 y.o. Lebanese man named Muhammed. Emma had legged it from home 5 years ago and worked odd jobs till she figured out that she wanted to get a Nutrition degree and so she returned as a mature age student. Muhammed after hearing about my plans to drop uni told me about a few things like signing up at employment agencies among other things and how he had planned to just have an easy job with some experience but because he had a family, circumstances changed he decided to come back to uni to get a degree so that he could provide for a family. Thank god i don't plan to have a family, i don't want kids at all. But before i get to that while i didn't learn shit from those experiments i did get to test out my socialising skills and on the last day i shook Muhammeds hand and told him thanks for all the advice and good luck with his Climate Change degree. So to all the people who reckon i'm anti social, WELL FUCK YOU I JUST LIKE TO PICK AND CHOOSE, I CAN SOCIALISE WHENEVER I FUCKING WANT TO YOU IGNORANT PRICKS.


On the subject of family, the world is clearly overpopulated so i think why don't people stop wasting time on overpopulating and just adopt some of the more needy less fortunate and already BORN orphaned kids. Seriously i would if i had the money and the ample resources to do so. But then you have all those people who claim that OOH ITS JUST NOT THE SAME IF ITS NOT 'YOUR' KID yeah fuck the human race and mother earth lets just destroy ourselves and the planet faster then shall we?


Well i had an interesting last topic to type up but i just forgot it, meh something about a dream where i was driving down the highway on a motorcycle as the song "Malibu" by Hole played, but i did learn a new song just now, "Dumb" by Nirvana, shit i should actually be teaching myself blues scales or some shit.

Tiredness

I'm tired... just so tired of pretending anymore.... why am i still here?  Why do i bother staying around and studying when i know i'm going to drop out?.... i guess i just want to have saved a bit more money... i'm just soo tired of being in this house... being two-faced for so long is draining and sometimes i forget to watch what i do and say and give away what i'm really thinking...

I have 6 chemistry practicals to do over this week and i haven't studied chemistry since week 2. I think i'll drop out after this semester and use the remaining time to save up and look for a place to stay and a job before the next census date. 

fucking hell the future is intimidating, knowing that i could potentially end up homeless and broke.... but i feel that i'll be infinitely happier if i was anywhere else but here

Guitar Progress

My guitar knowledge thus far consists soley of knowing how to tune with electronic help, playing the main major and minor chords but i lack a proper strumming pattern. Songs i've learned?


Pennyroyal Tea - Nirvana


The Man Who Sold The World - Nirvana (it actually requires 2 guitars)


There For You - Flyleaf


My Immortal - Evanescence


The Only Exception - Paramore


Where Did You Sleep Last Night - Nirvana


You - The Pretty Reckless


Come As You Are - Nirvana (Just the intro)


All Apologies - Nirvana (Just the intro)


Malibu - Hole


Polly - Nirvana


Rape Me - Nirvana


Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana


Of course due to being self taught, i can't play for shit and i always sing off key and out of tune.. but nonetheless it still feels pretty damn good to be able to create some sort of music, even if i have 0 originality.

Why Am I So Anti-Social? I Hate People. That's Probably Part Of It. But I'm Not Sure How This All Came To Be, I'm Just Never Happy Anymore.

Poncho

Just creating an archive of my doggy, who i will have to leave soon 

Interesting Development

Recently i haven't been bothered to study because of my decision but zz might as well try to maintain the illusion of being a student if I'm going to stick around longer and leech as much money as possible. I had a rather interesting late night chat with Apollo and Alfred where Alfred asked me to describe what i didn't like about him and it led to me heading an entire 'Constructive Criticism' session. Naturally many harsh words and hostile attitudes arose and were hurled all over the place. Apollo wrote an especially scathing assortment of paragraphs which dealt with issues such as my lack of empathy (which i don't entirely agree with ) and the inevitability that i will never be loved by a significant other and how i was using Kim's family and how much description of her was horrid. That i'd have to agree with the significant other part and i did post the entire conversation online so it was only natural that Kim would eventually see it. Of course that meant that my relationship with her as a friend just got completely fucked but hey i promised i'd be truthful this year and deal with any discrepancies that arose and thats exactly what i did. I decided not to write one for Apollo despite my momentary surge of hatred and rage.

So i decided to not ask for boarding at her house because Rex had just shown me a great place 'Gumtree.com' where there is a massive database for the buying and selling of all sorts of goods and accommodation and even pets. I did however manage to secure a few connections that could possible lead to jobs in the future in bars or restaurants and other sorts of job provided in exchange i helped teach english to recently arrived in Australia folk. Meh why not maybe i'll look into expanding my connections a bit. Still every morning my mother screams at my brother and it makes me want to just walk downstairs and just slit both their throats for fucks sake. 

On monday i went to Hanhans party at a last minute notice and didn't have time to get him a proper present and i don't even know the guy well but he is a nice guy. Naturally everyone who went just went to leech off his hospitality and kindness. Hyprocritical no? because that was essentially what i did but i did feel guilty and tried to ask his parents if there was anything i could do to help like cleaning up and i did shake Hanhans hand and told him thank you but i don't think i showed enough gratitude but oh well. 

Today i went all the way back to Concord to pick up my laptop that i had left at Kims house from Lewis. The poor guy doesn't get any allowance, has been working at Easyway for 3 years and is doing a double degree and intends to go all the way to Masters which will take about 5 years. Every time i see him there he is down and he looks very weary. I don't know how long he can keep this up, he should probably quit for a while to focus on his studies but Centrelink wouldn't chip in at all. 

I then drove all the way back to Richmond. On the way there i decided to just let my mp3's shuffle and i ended up remembering that i used to listen to this Japanese singer called Gackt. I say 'used to' because his earlier work was more classical oriented where as nowadays he's bought into the whole pop success industry really sickening when you see artists who set out to create art for arts sake then give in the to pull of commercialism. Of course i pulled  all the windows up in case someone drove past my car and heard me trying to sing Japanese. I don't know Japanese just a few odd words and phrases and a bit of their alphabet but its the "FEELING" you get from music THATS what COUNTS. So i'm there singing along then i realise.. Motherfucker, the ONLY artist i can MATCH in terms of VOCAL RANGE and TONE is THIS GUY... why can't i match someone who sings in english farrrrrrr.... but it was nice 'rediscovering' his music having not listened to it in years. 

YOU SEE HIM CRYING THERE? THATS TRUE ARTISTIC PASSION GODDAMN IT 

(to anyone who's bothered to read this, please watch the video 

and disregard the fact that he is singing in Japanese.. just sit back and let the music take you somewhere... and if you don't mind... maybe reply as to whether it was good at all)

So i finally get to Uni and it turns out my practical is actually in two weeks so i basically just wasted a whole day fucking hell. I remembered seeing a music store somewhere near the uni so i went to have a look. Holy shit soo many CDs and merchandise for nearly every genre and the cashier was a cute blue eyed girl (now I'm DEFINITELY going back haha) and woahhh found a Nirvana and Korn T-shirt and even Emily The Strange merchandise!!! Too bad the shirts are 40 bucks each.

As i'm driving back home a few streets before my house i see that someone has smashed their car right into a tree. There were already crowds of people watching from all over the place some even sipping coffee and sitting in chairs, watching the ambulance workers and police trying to pry the remains of the corpse from the car. Seemed like there were two people in the car, one was a woman who pretty much had no head left as it had clearly been smashed against the steering wheel and it was covered in bits of flesh and blood. 

Outside the car, the ambulance workers were loading a body bag into the ambulance and you could tell that there was a body in there. I saw all this as the police were waiting for the right moment to let me through and pass on. My hand had inadvertently gone for the camera in my bag on the seat next to me then i realised that it would be in extremely bad taste to photograph some thing like this. I really have a problem with empathy sometimes, but I'm sure that if it happened to a friend i would be in a totally different emotional state probably abandoning everything to hasten to their side depending on how close i am to said person. 

As i pulled away i couldn't help but be disgusted at myself and also the people who had the nerve to pull up a chair and sip coffee and watch the entire scene. I remembered in year 9 when i used to pull any book with an interesting cover off the shelves and read it, a story where i learned what the term "Bystander Effect" means. From a psychologist viewpoint it is the effect where someone witnesses a tragedy or an accident that may or may not be traumatic but are hesitant to help because they are too afraid to act and they hope that someone else in the crowd will go first. I then remembered reading in the papers about the NSW police apallment at the general Sydney public for not helping several people in a crash in Eastwood many years ago and instead chose to stand around and watch as the man bled to death in his car. 

I then thought back to an incident a few years ago that occurred while i was in Lidcombe seeing a bone and muscle specialist who was going to help me with my broken shoulder. Just as we were about to begin we heard some muffled noises from outside the practice. For the 1st few minutes we ignored the noises but after about 5 mins it escalated into a scream. Me and the doc exchanged a few glances and decided we should probably go out and check what it is. So we ran outside and there was a girl lying on the ground crying and bleeding from her mouth. There was already a crowd of people gathered around and THEY WERE JUST FUCKING STANDING THERE. I asked what happened and someone murmured that 4 large tongan girls had beaten her up and taken her bag and legged it to the station. i yelled "WELL WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL JUST STANDING THERE?" and i gave her my phone to call her parents. The doctor had already dialled 000 for an ambulance as well kudos to him. Within about 10 minutes there was an ambulance and the workers helped the girl up into the ambulance and off they went. The crowd had already dispersed and although it seemed like it had never happened, i remembered walking past the same place a few weeks later on the way home and noticing that the pool of dried blood was still there.

It has become apparent to me lately that i may be able to slide in living alone easily when i leave or i may end up cold and alone in a small room let alone the streets. As much as i am excited that i will be free from my blood relations, i fear that i may go slowly insane and not be able to cope with such drastic change. Today i walked my dog and was almost overwhelmed with the knowledge that i'd never see him again. Assuming i have a place to stay, i could ask the landlord if a small pet would be appropriate like a cat or something, but it would be insanely cruel of me to replace my dog so easily. I also have no prior knowledge of how to cook. And what if i am unable to make ends meet? How my friends, scarce as they are, view me once they see how i've left my family so hastily?. Fear of losing them is by far my greatest fear, one surpassed only by the fear of pain of death. For as far as back as i can remember, i've always considered my friends as my family, obviously they do not see me the same way and sometimes i will admit it hurts but blood relations is such a medieval concept. I think that even the therapeutic power of music would not be able to save me during those cold dark nights alone

Moment Of Recognition?

So today i found out that at least one person from my beloved k11 group has read this blog and may know how much i care. In some ways i was pleased that finally someone recognised how much i care about my friends.. but also i'm afraid that if said person kept sifting through this blog, they'll start to question my sanity and my worth as a human being or friend....

Leaving

Well i've finally come to a decision about leaving home. I will do it sometime around end of August before or after the University Census date, before would of course be better as i'd then owe 2k in debt rather than 4k. What would leaving home mean for me? Loss of all financial security, having to live on the streets, giving up of the 99% of the various gadgets and items that are process to me, the guitars in my room, the diary and toys from Japan all the posters on my walls and the stacks of CD's that i've painstakingly hoarded and collected for so many years. 

What could possibly come good of me leaving? Liberation from attachment to materialistic possessions, acquiring more street smart skills, no more constant verbal abuse every morning and night. Although i am quite a hypocrite because i do plan to take along my phone and laptop.. but hey can't be 100% liberated in todays world. Of course id eventually have to sort shit out with centrelink for support and finally look for a job of my own.


Seeing as I'm in uni why not try and continue? Well because as stupid as this sounds i have slowly come to realise that i'm an oscillating person. I get interested in one thing for a while then i get bored and moved on to something else, the same is with you, i can't imagine being stuck in uni for another 3 years and being in the same fucking house everyday. The only exception my oscillations is my music of course. As weird as this sounds, Music is like the glue that holds me together. I'd much rather go and look for a job and live in a simple room with a bed thats all i need. The adjustment is probably going to be quite drastic. I think i'll try living on the street for a night or two to test the waters before i try and crash someones place. 


Yesterday i spent some time with my good friend Dennis who i haven't seen in ages and gave him the last of my good luck amulets from Japan. Pretty glad i've got a friend who can sympathise with me and understands my situation. Even though i'll clearly be job hopping for the rest of my life, i genuinely hope he can become an awesome teacher although i think i'd worry that the kids would take advantage of his overly nice nature. Drove him to Hurstville and back and didn't care in the least about the petrol i used. 


Went along to his youth group, caught up with Rex, saw that son of a bitch Tian again and off course some of the youth group people i've known from before. I brought along an acquaintance, Alison. Now after going to a camp with the Flemington and Ashfield group i got about 100+ requests on Facebook to be friends. After adding all them i thought, wait a fucking minute, i hate religious people and these people come from churches that are very to close to my family, in a sense i was compromising myself for the future. So i deleted all of them and couldn't care less if people complained that i was picky when it came to friends.


I just happened to miss a few people in the deletion process including this Alison character. Now after some sky ping i thought hmm well i shouldn't be too much of a dick so i decided to invite her along to Dennis' youth group because despite my immense HATRED of religion i'd be an asshole to deny someone else's happiness. Religion is a big part of Alisons life and i suppose it would make her happy? so why not introduce her, she lives quite close. In the end i just did my part and showed her that there was somewhere she could hang on friday nights. Whether she goes or not i don't really care.


Another negative that i just thought of. I'd have to leave my dog Poncho. He is my only real "family" in the sense that he lives with me. But my parents don't exactly pay attention to him and my brother never wanted to take care of him. Leaving him will probably be one of the hardest things for me considering I might never be able to see him again. I could pass by sometime in the future and nab him.. but i guess sacrifices must be made. I just don't know whether i'd be able to handle the obvious fact that i've left with people who never cared for him. Will my family keep him? Sell him? Give him up for adoption? Well at least if he's given up for adoption he might go to a better family. I bought him a new squeak toy today and he was soooo fucking happy he was jumping up and down all over the place.. I'm really going to miss him... 


Seeing as this blog will exist online and isn't something i need to carry around, while I'm in this mindset might as well put a reminder list on here for myself

• Sleeping bag, or blankets, or sufficient layers of clothing
• Mat or cardboard to sleep on (optional)
• Weapon for self defence
• Money (including change)
• Bottle of water (keep the bottle)
• Backpack
• Both pairs of glasses and cases
• Good Quality trainers or boots (no holes)
• Socks (no holes)
• Toothbrush/toothpaste
• Washcloth and/or soap
• Small flashlight (extra batteries)
• Pen/Pencil (optional)
• Lighter (optional)
• Extra food
• Clothes
• Important identification documents (passport, social security card, birth certificate, driver's license)
• Can opener (for foods)

No doubt this is a risky thing to do, but meh it has to be done.

What will i do before the inevitable? Try my best to maintain my 

two faced relationship in the house, keep on averaging uni till 

August to maintain an air of wanting to study and saving up as 

much as possible.

          --- That'll be me, but alone ---

Enjoying Others Suffering

I'd be a liar if i didn't admit that at times seeing others in pain is especially thrilling to me and quite humorous.


Today i have a class at 12 but instead was woken by the sound of my idiot brother screaming his headoff at my mother about some stupid shit like wanting cheese for breakfast. Eventually my mother started screaming back and then suddenly the screams from downstairs multiplied 10 fold, obviously she had begun to use force. This sudden elevation in noise continued for half and hour because my stupid fuck of a mother keeps threatening to punish him but never actually does then wonders why he doesn't change.  Stupid bitch, anyway so eventually my mother gets my brother into a corner of the stairwell which means all this shit is closer to my door, and starts beating the shit out of him with her own two hands and clawing at his face and trying to rip his mouth for not shutting up and making unnecessary comments. I got out of bed and went over to the stairwell and looked down at the crazy bitch and the stupid faggot rage on. Just as roman emperors threw in weapons for the gladiators, i went and grabbed the heaviest belt i could find and chucked it down. The result was beautiful, my mother picked up the belt and proceeded to beat the living crap out his legs and arms. I even felt like  recording everything but my phone was back in the room and i didn't want to miss a second of this. The level of screaming and physical damage would be worth of a large sum of compensation from Centrelink.


Anyway eventually i got bored and i went passed the little scuffle in the corner and went over to the stove, my brother then walked past me having legged it from my mothers beatings, then he murmured, fuck you vincent, so what did i do?

Immediately i grabbed the first saucepan i saw on the stove and i swung it at the fucker. Lucky for the little shit it was full of boiling water and i spilled most of it on my right leg and therefore just placed it back on the stove without either of them noticing. But my god it was fucking painful. Everyday theres a screaming match between my brother and my stupid bitch of a mother and because she never fixes him he never shuts up. Now that i have a car, i'll probably have to drive the little shitcunt everywhere, if i ever pass by Parramatta jail, i'll stop the car, grab his fucking head, point it at the jail and say, 'Look thats where idiots who can't keep their mouths shut go'.


Its been 2 hours and its 8:05am right now, and they're still fucking at it. I'm already back in my room ignoring the idiots. Although i did whisper in his ear that Centrelink could help limit his suffering. Maybe let him be the catalyst for this families destruction and i'll just play the older brother who tried. Maybe he'll be put in a foster home where he will meet other crackpots and become a drug addict and eventually be murdered at the age of 15 by other crackpots like him who were fed up with his unnecessary commenting. That would be such a bloody beautiful ending. 

Evanescence Update

Holy fucking shit some hero managed to evade all the security guards and record every song from the concert, even the ones that i missed. But the recorder only focused on Amy which is understandable but at least i tried to record the band as well to acknowledge them OH FUCK WHO CARES :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSG2q1pAaLU&feature=autoplay&list=PLD03A97911291DCDF&lf=plpp_video&playnext=1

Jordan's April Fools B'day

Went and bought a 5k Mazda cause I'm sick of 5 hours travelling to uni. Drove to Jordans house and met up with Chi Tranvinh and Nathan and lay low like fucking ninjas waiting for Jordan to get back. I had nothing to give Jordan and in all honestly while i do consider us friends, we don't really talk as much kept through other people and at meet ups so today i realised that i had put 50 bucks in a red pocket for him because i didn't have time to get a present. First thing i thought was holy shit why am i giving him 50? Then i thought, well he is a friend though and a good guy, kk whatevs.

FUCK I'M SOO EXCITED FOR THE NEW KINGDOM HEARTS GAME

So we jumped the fucker, but not before i stacked it and stepped into Jordan's neighbours garden whose owner raged. As i sat around the table with everyone they're all chatting about Skyrim and games and shit, i realised my god i have no fucking clue what they are on about but at least they're my friends and I've shown i care by going. We then went to Rhodes shopping centre to eat and discuss Nathans victories and conquests over the females of UNSW and Chi's failed endeavours and we questioned Chi about his limit on dating an older female. I concluded that it was about 3 to 5 months maximum. Anyway we dropped by Lewis working at EasyWay and said hi.