Leaving

Well i've finally come to a decision about leaving home. I will do it sometime around end of August before or after the University Census date, before would of course be better as i'd then owe 2k in debt rather than 4k. What would leaving home mean for me? Loss of all financial security, having to live on the streets, giving up of the 99% of the various gadgets and items that are process to me, the guitars in my room, the diary and toys from Japan all the posters on my walls and the stacks of CD's that i've painstakingly hoarded and collected for so many years. 

What could possibly come good of me leaving? Liberation from attachment to materialistic possessions, acquiring more street smart skills, no more constant verbal abuse every morning and night. Although i am quite a hypocrite because i do plan to take along my phone and laptop.. but hey can't be 100% liberated in todays world. Of course id eventually have to sort shit out with centrelink for support and finally look for a job of my own.


Seeing as I'm in uni why not try and continue? Well because as stupid as this sounds i have slowly come to realise that i'm an oscillating person. I get interested in one thing for a while then i get bored and moved on to something else, the same is with you, i can't imagine being stuck in uni for another 3 years and being in the same fucking house everyday. The only exception my oscillations is my music of course. As weird as this sounds, Music is like the glue that holds me together. I'd much rather go and look for a job and live in a simple room with a bed thats all i need. The adjustment is probably going to be quite drastic. I think i'll try living on the street for a night or two to test the waters before i try and crash someones place. 


Yesterday i spent some time with my good friend Dennis who i haven't seen in ages and gave him the last of my good luck amulets from Japan. Pretty glad i've got a friend who can sympathise with me and understands my situation. Even though i'll clearly be job hopping for the rest of my life, i genuinely hope he can become an awesome teacher although i think i'd worry that the kids would take advantage of his overly nice nature. Drove him to Hurstville and back and didn't care in the least about the petrol i used. 


Went along to his youth group, caught up with Rex, saw that son of a bitch Tian again and off course some of the youth group people i've known from before. I brought along an acquaintance, Alison. Now after going to a camp with the Flemington and Ashfield group i got about 100+ requests on Facebook to be friends. After adding all them i thought, wait a fucking minute, i hate religious people and these people come from churches that are very to close to my family, in a sense i was compromising myself for the future. So i deleted all of them and couldn't care less if people complained that i was picky when it came to friends.


I just happened to miss a few people in the deletion process including this Alison character. Now after some sky ping i thought hmm well i shouldn't be too much of a dick so i decided to invite her along to Dennis' youth group because despite my immense HATRED of religion i'd be an asshole to deny someone else's happiness. Religion is a big part of Alisons life and i suppose it would make her happy? so why not introduce her, she lives quite close. In the end i just did my part and showed her that there was somewhere she could hang on friday nights. Whether she goes or not i don't really care.


Another negative that i just thought of. I'd have to leave my dog Poncho. He is my only real "family" in the sense that he lives with me. But my parents don't exactly pay attention to him and my brother never wanted to take care of him. Leaving him will probably be one of the hardest things for me considering I might never be able to see him again. I could pass by sometime in the future and nab him.. but i guess sacrifices must be made. I just don't know whether i'd be able to handle the obvious fact that i've left with people who never cared for him. Will my family keep him? Sell him? Give him up for adoption? Well at least if he's given up for adoption he might go to a better family. I bought him a new squeak toy today and he was soooo fucking happy he was jumping up and down all over the place.. I'm really going to miss him... 


Seeing as this blog will exist online and isn't something i need to carry around, while I'm in this mindset might as well put a reminder list on here for myself

• Sleeping bag, or blankets, or sufficient layers of clothing
• Mat or cardboard to sleep on (optional)
• Weapon for self defence
• Money (including change)
• Bottle of water (keep the bottle)
• Backpack
• Both pairs of glasses and cases
• Good Quality trainers or boots (no holes)
• Socks (no holes)
• Toothbrush/toothpaste
• Washcloth and/or soap
• Small flashlight (extra batteries)
• Pen/Pencil (optional)
• Lighter (optional)
• Extra food
• Clothes
• Important identification documents (passport, social security card, birth certificate, driver's license)
• Can opener (for foods)

No doubt this is a risky thing to do, but meh it has to be done.

What will i do before the inevitable? Try my best to maintain my 

two faced relationship in the house, keep on averaging uni till 

August to maintain an air of wanting to study and saving up as 

much as possible.

          --- That'll be me, but alone ---