Transition

I must admit that as the time draws closer towards my departure i can't help but worry and be scared to death of the future with its unknown possibilities. I might be dead in a year or out on the street. Who knows. It makes me sick to my stomach because i realise that the odds are stacked against me. This is what you get when you are a nihilist. Through the power of the internet however i have managed to join a few chat groups that are of topics that interest me. Atheism obviously is one. I had another panic attack a few days ago so i opened the topic "Are Atheists generally Nihilists as well?" out of desperation for some sort of answer or comforting phrase.


What i got back was unexpected. Answers like these began to arrive in throes

~ "When I came to the realisation that there is no evidence or reasoning for God, it was like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders. Now I enjoy this life to the full, instead of worrying about an afterlife which doesn't exist. I have been met with more kindness, goodness and basic humanity from atheists in one year than I ever encountered in 47 years from theists. 


I have come to the conclusion that because most atheists know we alone are responsible for our actions and their effects upon ourselves and others, we actually have a very high moral code, whilst theists who act through self-seeking motives are largely amoral. So far from being nihilistic, I see my atheism as being wholly positive."




~ "Yes. A challenge of existentialism is to create meaning and value in ameaningless and valueless world. That after all 
(among other things) is what the human brain evolved to do."




~ "Yes and I adhere to the belief that every individual is responsible for giving their life meaning"




~ "Yes. I could agree to that. Life does not have any intrinsic value. Life's purpose is only what you make of it."

When i saw such feedback i realised that i haven't matured very much in the last few years even though people have sometimes said that i've somewhat matured. I still feel like a lost child who hasn't found his footing or place yet. But now i think that once i move out and regain control of my life i should be able to overcome my nihilism and begin to look at the remainder of my life more positively.

Last night i met up with Stella, a random tag along named Hilary (who nathan did quite a good job of making scared of me) Virginia Tranvinh Annie Nathan and Aimee. Its disheartening to me sometimes when i realise that we might not ever be able to to meet as one group anymore. A broken group, with pieces that might not ever be able to join together again. It will be harder to mend the cracks as the future draws along by, especially when everyone starts to get busy with their careers and starting their own families. But whats the use in speculating. Just make the most of each moment i guess. Last night we ran around circular quay, laughing at anything and everything, hi fiving for no reason and just enjoying being with each other. The kind of moments you never want to end.