So today my dad as we go to work at 5am mentions that he is going to change his will so that my uncle and aunt don't have to manage my finances since im turning 18 soon. All inheritance will go to me and some set aside for my younger brother whom i totally don't give a shit about. This happens if both my parents mysteriously die around the same time. So my dad says what do you think?
i wanted to burst out laughing i wanted to say hope you die sooner asshole so i can take your money and ditch my brother in some shithole, you want a proper funeral according to your religious customs? fuck it ill cremate you all and smoke your ashes *if i ever turn into a smoker* or i'll just leave you all to rot. and like hell im going to take care of that little shit i'll dump him with some other family then i'm leaving.
I also started imagining ways and methods that i could somehow speed up my parents deaths, burn the house with them inside? hire a killer? cyanide poisoning? but then i'd have to find a way to pin this on someone else, pulverise the teeth with a hammer so that they can't be identified with dental records, and wat about fingerprints, alibis and suspicion that would be cast on me as the sole survivor who ISN'T mourning the passing of his family as he should
my face whilst i thought all this
The other day i went for walk through the shopping centre where i picked up 3 books on mass murder, voodoo killings and extremely evil crimes. The shop assistant looked quite concerned as i walked off smiling with the books in hand. Even now having finished the first book about Religious cults, Satanic Rituals,Cannibalism, Aztec killings and what not, i start to realise that reading about these despicable acts of cruelty is my way of satisfying my carnal urges, the human condition or as i like to call it, a deep desire for conflict. But it has come at a price, everywhere i go, i start to size people up, start planning escape routes, measuring up to random people around me wondering how i could kill them swiftly and whether i could get away with it.
ah thomas the tank engine, my favourite childhood show
Sometimes i wonder whether i'll forever be able to suppress this darker side of me as i grow older, but considering my rapid decline of friendships, i don't this its going too well
Dudeee, this is like wowwwww. You should seriously look at the brighter side of life mann, you are missing out on a lot. Like i understand somewhat how you feel, but then you have to learn to 'suppress this darker side of me' if you want to progress in lifeee. Like i am also very pessimistic and cynical in many ways, but then like you have to learn to be optimistic and like understanding that there are like many different types of people - some bad, some good.
ReplyDeleteEverything is about understanding!
Certain Movies, my Music, the rare occasion with friends * or the ones i still have *, and the knowledge that one day i'll be an independent and free man regardless of whether i inherit anything that keeps me happy
ReplyDeleteyou're not alone =D I size people up too and think of how I would defend myself if they suddenly attacked me (only around dodgy looking people though)..
ReplyDeletebtw, cool blog, keep posting ^_^
oh man mfw this blog is used as evidence, as motive, for the mysterious death of your parents
ReplyDelete