I think its finally time to admit to myself that i am a chronic masturbator. Yes i jack off, wank, whatever you call it. why do i do it? many a reason, with the main two being it feels pretty good and it saves me the trouble of spending time and money on a girl who would probably just use me financially. I see no problem with occasionally waxing my carrot to get over the sexual urges then getting on with life. Sex, do i really mind if i never get to fuck someone? On one hand yes it would be pretty lame to die a virgin, but like the great Kurt once said, nobody dies a virgin life fucks us all. But lately its become too frequent like an addiction. I don't think its quite alright to be masturbating at such a rate probably not good for me but meh.
I finally opened some bank accounts, and deposited a fair amount, now to just learn all the other billion facts of life that ill need. Being in uni isn't all that fun. for one i never really see my friends, 2 they probably don't see me as friends anymore and i don't have th motivation to try and keep in touch or bother making new friends. I've turned down a few people at uni and they looked kinda hurt but what do i fucking care I'm just here because I've been forced to choose something and forensics is the only thing that interests me, but do i really need this? 2 hrs travelling there and back, coming back to a house where the parents having kicked out the grandparents and thus having no one to bitch and scream at turn to me as their offload verbal punching bag, and when i finally yell back what do i fucking get, an order to stop yelling when they clearly fucking started it god sometimes i just want to grab the nearest kitchen knife and stab all these motherfuckers in the throat and twist the knife around so that the blood pressure spurts everywhere and i stab them over and over and over while letting out a tortured scream of sorts, everyday i have to battle internally and force myself not to retaliate because if one day i snap and it will happen unless something changes, I'm going to lose control and i don't know what will fucking happen.
It just so happens that my good friend Chi just sent me a message about how I've changed and put hoes before bros and how he doesn't really like how i refuse to make new friends. No.1 i will admit that i thought FUCK YOU for a few mins but then i realised hmm he does have a point but do i have to listen not really..... Actually i just finished writing a reply i can't be fucked talking about it again here...
WAIT NO FUCK YOU DISNEY IS NOT SHIT DISNEY WAS MY CHILDHOOD AND THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT IT AND YES MAYBE IM PUTTING HOES BEFORE BROS BUT SOO FUCKING WHAT, I MOVED FROM GROUP TO GROUP IN HIGH SCHOOL BEFORE FINALLY SETTLING DOWN IN K11 WHICH IS PREDOMINATELY FEMALE. YES I WILL ADMIT THAT PERHAPS IM SUCKING UP TO THEM AND IM NEGLECTING MY FRIENDS BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE NOT EVERYONE HAS A HAPPY DANDY LIFE. IT TAKES 4 TO 5 FUCKING HOURS TO TRAVEL TO AND FROM UNI AND THESE FEW GIRLS AND BOYS ARE THE ONLY FRIENDS I HAVE SURE MAYBE THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT EM BUT AT LEAST I AHVE SOMETHING, I DONT AHVE TIME TO BE GOING OUT EVERYWHERE AND FRANNKLY IF I WAS TO LOOK FOR MORE FRIENDS ID LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSEM, NOT BACK AT THE FAGGOTS WHO MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE. I TURN DOWN OFFERS TO BE FRIENDS AT UNI, WHY? BECAUSE I SIMPLY DONT HAVE FUCKING TIEM TO MAINTAIN NEW RELATIONSHIPS
MAYBE THIS IS SOCIALLY UNETHICAL AND UNHEALTHY BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT IT WORKS FOR ME AND THATS ALL THAT I CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW
You know what I'm really fucking tired and i can't be fucked writing anymore fuck you all and fuck you mom fuck you dad, fuck you david mi for blocking me after finding out that i read the part where you wrote about how ugly i look well maybe I'm just an insecure faggot but FUCK YOU I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL YOU STUPID FUCK MAY THE MAGGOTS TEAR YOUR FLESH OFF AND MAY YOU SINK INTO A PIT OF SHIT AND BE BOILED ALIVE WITH MOLTEN SILVER YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT YES THIS INCLUDES YOU MUM AND DA AND MY LITTLE BROTHER I CANT FUCKING WAIT TO SUCK YOU ASSHOLES DRY OF YOUR MONEY THEN IM OUT OF HERE FUCK EVERYTHING
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