Odd

Its the strangest thing, I've been seeing a great numbers of dead animals wherever i go, especially while I'm driving on the road. The other day i walked to the shops to buy some fruit when i saw a massive bat dead on the road sprawled on its back with wings spread out on the ground. Its wingspan was about 2 freaking metres wide, no kidding. I poked it with a stick for a while and was going to take a picture of it but i had forgotten my camera so oh well. I've also seen about 10 cats that have been run over on my daily drives to Richmond and a few dogs as well. Some birds just don't jump away in time.

Not a pretty sight when you're driving along the countryside and you see a cat with its head open and its entrails lying around everywhere as a feast for the flies and vultures. Every time i see a dead animal i immediately think of my dog. While obviously this is an inhumane thought i sometimes wish that my dog would run away and be hit by a car and die instantly so that i can at least leave my house without having to fight the urge to come back and see my dog e.g. have no attachment. But instead i will spend the last of my time with him playing with him, running with him and doing whatever i can to keep his tail wagging in delight. 

We are all animals in the end aren't we? The other day my dad told me to throw away the meat that i couldn't finish that we were eating at a fancy restaurant. I said "oh maybe i'll take this back for Poncho... " Immediately there was a massive uproar of disapproval from my family and relatives. Most of their shitstorm revolved around the idea that i shouldn't be wasting such good meat on a mere animal. I answered, "Well do anyone of you people want this meat?" Naturally they said no. So i said "Well i can't finish this meat so i'll bring it back for my dog." They yelled, "How can you waste such good meat on a dog? He's just a dirty animal!"

My God that pissed me off so fucking much i screamed back and said, "YOU'RE ALL FUCKING ANIMALS TOO BUT THAT DOESNT SEEM TO BE A PROBLEM AT ALL DOES IT?". Needless to say my dad smashed the back of my head with his fist, i hit my head on the table and fuck it hurt, oh and i didn't get my slab of meat back home for Poncho.


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Theres just something so hauntingly beautiful about this wallpaper and the emotion in her eyes...

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Another thing i've realised in the last few years of my life is that every time i come back home and theres no one inside yet or whenever my family takes a long time driving back home from somewhere i find myself feverishly wishing and hoping that they've crashed and died, or been mugged or something. Every time my parents call and say we'll be home later i can't hope but desire that they crash into a tree or off a bridge and die. It's not so that i can inherit money or property, no no i don't care for it, rather i'd rather be freed from having to pretend to give a shit about them anymore. You have no idea (or maybe you do) how very emotionally draining it is to maintain different facets of personality all at once